14 Anal Sex Essentials For Any Gender
14 Anal Sex Essentials For Any Gender
Tired bottoms, skeptic tops, and joy-seeking sex-havers, come through!
Good morning holes,
It’s come to my attention that this week commences “Anal August.” Where I find social media-sanctioned calendar holidays/months to be quite asinine (pun intended), we will be *fully* celebrating right here on the joy digest because everyone has a butthole and I believe you deserve the opportunity to play with it. :)
A lot of people come to me asking for anal advice. People of all genders, sexual orientations, and position preferences inquire about what toys I like or what logistics go into douching, lube-ing, etc. I don’t exactly know what that says about me as a person, but I take this responsibility very seriously.
So this is going to be a sexy month’s worth of letters! If you are skeptical of anal play, or tried it a few times and think it’s not for you, I implore you to continue reading.
Most people are completely misinformed about anal, and that creates a cultural aversion to it both in and outside of queer communities. How we douche or stretch, what lube to use, when you eat, which toys to try — these are all varying factors that intimidate and create barriers to entry (again, pun intended).
The prep and worry of it all, I get it! I do, however, believe most people are generally lazy with their sex lives. I don’t mean to be shady — I include myself in that group. Even people who have butt sex often can be the least thoughtful about what brings them pleasure as we fall into these patterns of “preference” that are often just lies we tell ourselves to make things easier. But insecurity and the fear of the unknown often keep us from different kinds of pleasures.
That, and the fact that anal sex is, well, objectively gross!
But I am here to answer your anal Qs. Feel free to reply to this email with specific questions, but in the meantime here are some 101 recommendations that come from my FAQs.
Xx Fran
P.S. This month, I’m treating my Zaddy/Zommy-tier subscribers with a guide on douching & pubic hair trimming. (This was a *specific* request from one of my Zommies, so that just goes to show that if you give me a prompt, I love to fill it!) Subscribe if you want in on this month’s *premium* content.
some anal things that bring me joy
Joy Digesters! These first two recs are paid-for recommendations! Though you’re receiving advertorial content, I will say I only take on spon-con if I genuinely like the product — and hope you do too! Thanks, as ever and always, for supporting me!
1. b-Vibe is one of my favorite purveyors of anal play toys and their Vibrating Jewel Plug is no exception. I tested all fifteen of its vibration patterns and mama it did not disappoint! Though I used the small size for solo play, I do think the bigger size would be a fun ride for someone with more anal experience. And the little jewel! I felt like a princess. 💎
2. I’ve been using Studio Ready for quite some time now as they are a first-of-its-kind skincare brand specifically for butts. There’s a suite of products to peruse, but imo the sandalwood perfecting scrub is my favorite for pre-coital prep. There are also moisturizing creams and coffee scrubs that employ delicious scent profiles — but not too intense! At least two people I’ve recommended this brand to came back to me and said they got compliments on their *ahem* taste. Though Studio Ready’s marketing collateral is targeted to men, this enby can vouch for its quality on every gender. Any hole is a goal, after all. 😛
3. If you have never purchased a dildo before, there are only three things you need to know. First, no one needs more than 7 inches. NO ONE. Second, whether it’s PVC or silicone, the material doesn’t matter as much as the design. I do recommend buying a suction-cup model as it is fun to boink yourself against a wall. I also recommend a matte finish because it just looks and feels more like skin. A little curvature is nice, imo, but this might be something to test out. Third, your first dildo should not be your last! If the one you decide to buy is not really the tea (or, like me, you bought one that was too cheap) just know it’s all part of the journey honey. I send this one to friends often.
4. A clean butt is a happy butt. I use the YTTP cleanser on my h*le in the shower before sex. Not just on the surface though — I stick in some sudsy fingers and give the old girl a swirl. This sounds wild, but we as a society need to normalize h*le-washing.
5. A bidet will also revolutionize your anus.
6. Post shower, I love to rub a squirt of this oil combination around and inside my h*le to bring a clean, natural musk and preliminary lubricant to my buss.
7. When it comes to douches, you don’t need anything fancy. Definitely skip fleet saline enemas as they are corrosive and dehydrating. Simply google “reusable enema” and pick one! If used regularly, I would say buy a new one every 3 months or so for hygiene reasons.
8. Do not buy cheap lube, my friends! If you have sex-specific sheets that are ok to get a stain (which everyone should have tbh), then I recommend silicone-based lube as you need something long-lasting for the tight carbon-crushing orifice that is the anus. Babeland is a fave, but I’m also a fan of the Dakota Johnson lube (and I was using it years before she did).
9. If you’re someone who tried anal sex once or twice and found it very painful, just know that is completely normal! It is literally your butthole. Of course those muscles are going to be annoyed! I beseech you to not give up and instead invest in a bead wand or anal trainer of some kind. Some of these toys are waterproof and easy to play with in the shower, which imo is the best place to stretch yourself.
10. I am not super privy to the strap-on world, but I am a fan of these indie leather strap makers because they are highly customizable and handmade just for you. For the toy itself, see #2! Would also love some strap-on kings to get in my DMs with their recs so I can relay.
11. If you’re struggling to make sense of the “how” of anal, I think Teen Vogue’s guide is one of the best and most comprehensive resources for butt sex FAQs, and they intentionally evade bioessentialism in the process which I greatly appreciate!
12. I wouldn’t qualify this as an “essential” but if you’re a dysphoric girl like me who sometimes feels sexier with a smooth little 🐈 I would recommend getting a dedicated trimmer for your nether regions. I have this one. As a companion piece, I also recommend Alok’s book report on the colonialist history of body hair removal.
13. Poppers, in my opinion, are overrated. But making an anal guide without a rec seems counterintuitive. So if you think you’d like to experience 90 seconds of euphoric hole-loosening, spring for Double Scorpio.
14. And finally, fiber. Keep yourself together, girl! Metamucil is tried and true, but I also tried Take Two and loved.
this week’s action
I know we’ve beat it over the head, but now is a really good time to double-down (and triple-down) on talking to your inner and outer circles about wearing masks indoors and evangelizing vaccination. Infection rates are reaching what they were last year and that is very concerning! If there were ever a moment to encourage a skeptic to protect themselves and others, now is the time. For more, I recommend following Darien!