How to Survive Pride With Your Dignity in Tact
On corporate rainbow-washing and the exhaustion of June.
Babes,
It’s been a minute — can you ever forgive me?
JK, I’m not asking for forgiveness because I have had a taxing few weeks with little time in between to do literally anything — eat, rest, workout, email, text friends back, write my newsletter, etc.
A friend once told me, “Don’t punish yourself for trying your best,” and I try to stick to that as best I can. (Though in all seriousness, I will be keeping the Joy Digest on a weekly schedule, it’s just that June is hell for me and all public-facing faggots in media and entertainment spaces, so I appreciate your patience 💕.)
Speaking of Pride, *Kamala voice* I think we should have that conversation. If I’m accurately assessing the cultural moment, queers are feeling very conflicted about Pride this year following the implosion of the country/world last summer.
We are all anxious! We are afraid of socializing! We are scared of saying the wrong thing! Or celebrating the wrong way! Yet our stomachs teem with excitement. So many in my circles are asking how we even participate in “Pride” events in an ethical way, if at all? Whether it’s showing up to a parade, enjoying some rainbow swag, or booking yourself on a panel at work — is it all bad? Or is there some good?
Most know I’ve built something of a body of work creating accountability for corporate Pride initiatives both in and outside of those institutions.
But in the last two years, I’ve questioned my own value in those spaces big time. I talked to Sarah about this very thing on her podcast last week. It’s taken a year for me to be brave enough to discuss it, but last year I went through a big reckoning with my own career and life’s purpose after leaving my *ahem* previous employer.
You can tune in for the juicy tea, but long story short: I battled with the need to advocate for queer and trans people while also using the resources, money, or perks of institutions. My work is only ever in service to a community — or at least I try. But when I employ the power of a Netflix, Nike, or Google, it then feels like it’s ultimately in service to a corporation.
I’m not going to pretend like there’s a perfect way to do it, even if I’ve provided some guidelines. In fact, any way you slice it, even if you check every box for said Pride initiative, the final outcome is still at least a little icky (if not a lotta icky), soaked in the mildew of capital gain. In a perfect world, brands would have no place in the historicized protest that is Pride — a protest founded in disruptive, Black, trans, radical opposition to police brutality, period!
But we don’t live in a perfect world. We live in capitalism. And that capitalism is the reason so many of us end June feeling exploited, exhausted, used, undervalued, dehydrated, undesirable, or simply left out.
From the many campaigns I’ve worked on, there’s this question that often makes its way into the cast interviews: “wHaT DoEs pRiDe MeAN tO YoU?”
It’s a perplexing question because queer and trans people created Pride, and yet, the “Pride” we know and understand today feels like it doesn’t belong to us anymore — or at least most of us. When we think of “Pride,” we think of parade floats and white, cis gays, and a largely sponsored party circuit. And that, quite frankly, sucks! Marsha and Sylvia are rolling in their graves!
But I am here to tell you that Pride doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want it to be. Pride belongs to you. It has been inherited from our organizing ancestors so that we can design it any way we want.
What would it take for you to do something this month that would feel like a full embodiment of who you are? So that when you say, “Happy Pride” in passing you might actually mean it?
You can organize a protest. You can take your fam to the beach. You can turn a daring lewk. You can experiment with makeup or dye your hair. You can go to four parties in one night and spend the next day eating a hungover breakfast with your bestie. You can support your friends’ endeavors, their performances, and yes, even their corporate gigs. You can rent a house upstate and swim in a creek. You can make a donation to your favorite org, or start a scholarship, or sponsor queer youth! You can hole up and read queer books all weekend. You can do something big, or you can do something that literally no one will see.
Pride is yours, babe. Take it!
P.S. The dreaded Pride month means that I did not have time to proofread this week’s letter. Pls excuse the little hiccups!
some things that brought me joy this week
1. Honestly, how is there anything to talk about that isn’t Sha’Carri Richardson? The fastest woman in America rocked the fucking track with a stiletto manicure, 25mm lashes, and orange hair picked out by her *girlfriend*! I am on the floor. I think a lot about that Janet Mock quote where she talks about marginalized people showing all the way up. When we enter into public/mainstream spaces, we are taught to leave part of ourselves at the door, to censor, to compromise, to present a palatable version of ourselves. But queerness, Blackness, brownness that gets to fully embody itself… what a gift!
2. While I have you here, I’ll plug Moonbeaming again as one of my favorite podcasts ever. It’s about wellness, mysticism, and understanding your place in the world, and Sarah is such an intentional interviewer and student of life. I can’t remember the last time I encountered someone that thoughtful and willing to deep dive into big questions! Love and appreciate Sarah’s work.
3. I remember when Chiqui started working on this Brooklyn drag family portrait last fall — a massive undertaking involving 80+ queens and nightlife performers for their triumphant return to the scene. Prints for this are on sale benefitting For The Gworls — I bought one so fast my keyboard sizzled. Read the companion piece about the project in this piece by Dynasty.
4. Queer mediocrity! Is there anything more profound? Gracias Frances Cannon for this reminder.
5. A few people have asked about my summer bathrobe, which I’ve sported in a few IG stories. This is a lightweight little waffle moment — not my *most* lightweight robe, but definitely my most stylish.
6. This photographer has been looking for moments of joy and among Palestinian communities.
7. One full year late on this, but the Dua Lipa remix album is one of my favorite things I’ve listened to in a while. Very Pride, very delicious, and the transitions are sublime! Strongly recommending listening from start to finish at your Pride pregames.
8. Have plugged their Substack before, but Annika’s is a fave. Their latest letter on the return to “normalcy” is a must-read if you care to subscribe.
Last week under a swirling pink and orange sky, my homie and I drank tangerine juice on the roof and discussed our shared weird feelings over the increasingly heard term “back to normal.” As Black queer people, what has American normalacy ever promised beyond violence and harm? The project of supremacy is to revisit and revise brutality and hierarchy as methods of being, to the point where such brutality becomes normal. When I think of the pattern of supremacy and normalcy - I particularly think of the abolition of the prison industrial complex. Where abolition asks us: can we address harm without relying on violent stems that increase it? Supremacy says: No. But we can dust off the old chains and reform them. When I think of “back to normal,” I see rebrands of the continuations of violences this country has always been enamored with. America moves forward to maintain profits and output at the expense of those most vulnerable, to manage people for capital accumulation rather than any true aim of care or accountability. The danger of normality is accepting the status quo as what should be - to see discomfort, pain, and harm, and think *this is fine* (ya know - like this homie has put it). The harder, more liberatory path is facing the normality - and asking for something more.
9. Finally snagged a pair of Bonnie Clyde’s after seeing all the queers sport these sunglasses last summer. This AAPI-owned brand finally got me after I saw Bad Bunny wear a pair.
10. Shameless plug to let you know that the new season of Food 4 Thot is bomb as hell. I’m particularly proud of our premiere, an episode on gender. In it, I talk about my journey through understanding my own gender presentation and identity as someone who is cis-passing, and why queer and gender nonconforming folks should revel in the unknown.
11. Jenna’s profile on Janizca Bravo was a delicious read. I haven’t seen the Zola movie yet, but I already feel like the reign of Bravo’s directing style and ingenuity is upon us. As a marginalized person breaking into Hollywood, it’s such a salve to read about how others hustled to get to where they are.
12. New lube alert! I finallyl tried Goodparts’ silicone variety last week to rave reviews. Their swag is cute too!
13. Remember when Leiomy pulled up to Brooklyn Liberation? A moment I will cherish till I die.
this week’s action
If you’re looking for a little retail activism, GLITS is hosting an auction with a lot of cool items and participants. Aaron Philip! Barbie Ferriera! John Waters! Hunter Schafer! The list of A-List queers is endless! Just please don’t outbid me for the candle butt plug.