Take Your Darknesses With You
Plus, a list of gay ass things to watch on TV right now
Babes,
Sorry, I can’t stop writing about Jennifer Coolidge. Actually, I’m not sorry!! I was listening to an interview with her the other week and can’t stop thinking about something she said.
You see, when she was offered the role of Tanya for White Lotus, Ms. Coolidge was in a bad place. It was the height of the pandemic when we had little information about what was gonna happen next. She was preparing for “the end,” quite literally, having isolated herself in her home thinking everyone she loved was gonna die, and her along with them.
She declined the role at first, saying it was a bad time for her. She was anxious, she was depressed, she’d gained weight (as we all did) through quarantine. On top of feeling bad about how she’d appear on screen, she was distracted by the encroaching doom of the election and petrified of getting covid (I lowercase “covid” to be shady to her).
“I was incredibly distracted a lot of the time,” she said. “I wanted to do it in three, four months so I could get my act together.” But friends in her life pushed her to work through her anxieties and take the enticing role.
“To play someone complicated and tortured,” she said, “to be honest, it was easy to play the role once I got there because I was sort of in sync. There was some scary stuff going on at this time.”
She describes taking all the darkness she felt — the isolation, the depression, the doom, the self-loathing — and she brought it all to Tanya on White Lotus. And that is, actually, how it translates on screen, perfectly, in maybe the best performance she’s ever given.
I guess the reason I’m thinking about this is because I’m thinking about all the opportunities I’ve missed because of my own anxiety. Thousands of things I bet, big and small, passed by because I was too scared to go for it or waited for a time I was ready.
You’re never going to be “ready” for the things that scare you. That’s the point of scary things! These moments hold something difficult and unexpected that require your in-the-moment talent and critical thinking skills to overcome.
But if you trust yourself, and have some good friends to push you to the finish line, you’ll make it through. The hardest part is realizing your anxieties aren’t going anywhere. You can either let them weigh you down or you can heave them all up like heavy blankets and take your darknesses with you.
Xx Fran
p.s. A gay ass TV round-up for you, enjoy!
9 TV shows that brought me joy this week
1. I don’t know what mental state has brought me to watch F-Boy Island, let alone enjoy it, but watching has been an unbridled delight. And not even ironically! The show follows three hot women in search of love on an island filled with half fuckboys and half “nice guys” — but they don’t know who is who! If they end up with a self-identified “nice guy,” they get $100k. But if a fuckboy can conceal his identity and make her fall in love, he gets $100k and they get nothing! Oh, my god. Just writing the premise makes me feel like trash. I promise the show is shockingly feminist, Nikky Glaser is a one-of-a-kind host, and the show’s writing is designed to make fun of these men, which I obviously love. The three women contestants are of course model types that sometimes play the part of “hot floozy,” but they are shrewd, strategic, and unafraid to drag these boys for filth precisely when they need. Not to mention, SO. MANY. TWISTS. Watch two episodes and you’ll be in.
2. I always watch Glow Up because, well, the contestants are British as well as excruciatingly bad at makeup, and I find that combination to be exceptional comedic content. Season three has guaranteed that I will stan Val Garland til I die.
3. As a companion piece, I recommend Trixie & Katya’s review on the YouTube show I created. :) Beware, they spoil the winner!
4. Next to White Lotus, Schmigadoon! is the most brilliant thing on TV!!!!!! Cecily Strong and Keegan-Michael Key are on the brink of a breakup and go on a couple’s retreat only to stumble upon a town called Schmigadoon that is, literally, an old-school Broadway musical. Anyone who loves theater (or someone like me, a recovering theater kid who likes to make fun of musicals) will guffaw — that’s right, I said guffaw! — at the Rogers & Hammerstein-y schticks. The songwriting is exceptional, a step above the usual SNL-y spoof music we see from a Lorne Michaels joint.
The ensemble EATS this show up, but the crown goes to Kristin Chenoweth (Ariana DeBose in a close second) for a jaw-dropping, tongue-twister-filled, single-take number. That song alone is worth a month of Apple TV, no question!
5. Ok, if I’m being real, this season of Making the Cut was more of a background TV kind of “joy.” Without Naomi Campbell, the show doesn’t really have *that thing* that brings you back each week. But I did love Gary as a contestant and ugh, okay, you know what, I just miss Project Runway.
6. The Gossip Girl finale is giving absolutely unhinged camp which is all that was required. I stan Tavi Gevinson and Zion Moreno so hard, but the star of the show is the evil twink, whose character name I can’t quite remember. Brantley? Warren? It doesn’t matter. Gay villains, especially horny ones, are my favorite and he delivers chaos at every turn.
7. I want to know if you are Team Erika or Not Team Erika because there are no other options with the new season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. As an Erika stan, I can admit the evidence makes it clear she had some complicity in this bullshit. I feel like she made a mistake along the way and regrets it now in real-time. But we’ve seen generations of women in the public eye blamed for the actions of the horrible men in their lives. I dunno, it just seems gross to me that one of the most famous lawyers in the world has been outed as a scammer, and yet all we talk about is whether his wife was guilty or not. He probably wants it that way too. Hold Erika accountable, yes, but I hope she gets to live her life. Anyway, this season absolutely slaps on all accounts — especially Krystal’s. But Sutton and Kathy are giving a good little dance on their way to the reunion’s ritual caucasian sacrifice.
8. I am pre-approving this month’s release of The Other Two, which is one of my favorite queer shows in existence. Basically, two siblings’ lives unravel when their kid brother becomes virally famous. If you haven’t watched S1 yet, boy am I jealous of you. I wish I could watch it all again for the first time! But prep yourself for one of the gayest shows you can stream at the end of August. Plus, Molly Shannon! Oh my god, Molly Shannon!
9. My girl Tommy Pico wrote for a little show called Reservation Dogs which is one of those shows you watch and you’re like “woah, this has never been done before” and then you think to yourself, “no way, everything’s been done before. this has been done before!” and then you do a google and find out, no, this is, in fact, the first TV show, and first sitcom, in history to employ an all-Native writers room and all-Native cast for Native characters. The story follows four Indigenous teen thieves (or “vigilantes” as they prefer) saving money to escape their reservation. Beyond being history-making, it is funny as fuck. Sublime, engaging, world-building — literally everyone should watch it.
this week’s action
Don’t usually do personal fundraisers, but one of my favorite people on the planet, and one of the best drag artists Brooklyn has to offer, is hosting a birthday fundraiser to fund her FFS. Read her story to learn more of her story, and to anyone who has ever enjoyed Chiqui’s performance — in person or over my Instagram stories — this would be a great way to tip. 💸