The Kind of Fran I Want to Be
Moon journaling, a buddhist proverb, and my favorite anal beads.
Babes,
Those who know me are well aware that I am a fangirl for the teachings of Pema Chodron*, one of the more recognizable figures in western Buddhism. Her words have brought me comfort when I need it most, and I keep the pocket version of her lessons with me at all times — in my fanny pack, on my bedside table, etc.
Following the trauma of the past weeks, I felt an ongoing, generalized discomfort. Discomfort in my aching body that wants SO badly to leave these quarantine walls. Discomfort in the unknowingness of how much longer we will have to do this. Discomfort in the ways social media has desensitized us to death, white supremacy, and Bad™ historic events happening in real time. My friend Jenna recently shared this graphic of one of Pema’s greatest hits. Reading it felt like the first breath I took in a week. I hope it gives you at least a figment of relief.
“Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners or spiritual warriors – people who have a certain hunger to know what is true – feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
If dissociation is your weapon of choice, push pause briefly to process how these corrupt, macro-level transgressions should inform us of our next steps. After you take care, what are you going to do next with the new information we have? How can you organize within yourself or your community so that we are stronger, better, and ready for what’s to come?
Xx Fran
some things that brought me joy this week
1. In the early days of the pandemmy (sorry), Yo-Yo Ma shared the first in a series of “songs of comfort,” soothing quarantine anxiety with cello performances in his home. I’ve only now discovered he put all the songs out on Spotify with pianist Kathryn Scott. As if you needed another reason to know why Yo-Yo Ma is goat.
2. Buried in the garbage disposal that was January 6, the organizers of Mijente made history. Through their Georgia con Ganas campaign, they were able to reach every single eligible Latino voter in the state, the first time that’s ever been done. Damn! I got goosebumps just typing that.
3. My friend Sarah Faith Gottesdiener is a talented tarot reader and moon worker who teaches mysticism through a feminist, anti-capitalist, anti-racist lens — and great prose, too. She sent me her 2021 Moon Planner and the tarot/journal prompts are phenomenal. To any practicing or aspiring mystics, you should grab a copy of the second edition before January runs out!
4. The new Fran Lebowitz special did not disappoint. Curmudgeon-y jokes, Fran wandering around New York like a lesbian ghost, cliché takes on millennial behavior while Martin Scorsese guffaws — you’d think 200 minutes of this would get old. My loves, it never got old. The quickness of her brain! The nostalgia of New York City! Marty’s infectious giggle! I also feel you can understand a lot about Fran by her friendships. One of my favorite things about watching the Toni Morrison doc was the stories of their intimate relationship. Despite not having a longtime partner, kids, or even writing that many books, Fran is still so beloved by those around her. What a model for the kind of 70-year-old Fran *I* want to be.
5. The next chapter of Search Party, the dark, absurdist comedy-mystery hybrid about a group of friends trying to find a missing person, is out on HBOMax. This was one of my favorite binges of last year, and the fourth season has not disappointed so far. It’s being released every Thursday. Vintage!
6. One of my favorite writers, Harron Walker, wrote an essay about the phenomenon of the “flop era” and what hers means to her. It was tender, funny, thoughtful, and filled with Cher anecdotes. Needless to say, I loved it.
7. Not having much sex these days *scratches thirty-second tally mark onto bedroom wall with a blunt object* so I’ve been trying, and also failing, to be more mindful about masturbation time. This has meant exploring new porn, new places in my house to get off, and picking up new toys even when I feel lazy as hell. I’ve recently fallen in love with this anal pearl wand. For best use, insert each bead one by one and remove quickly right at the moment of your petite mort. It is great for beginners and experts alike, though you may want to find a local sex shop to order it from because this one ships from the UK.
8. I revisited this Langston Hughes poem after it entered my social media digest, and it has been *saved* on the desktop of my brain ever since.
I am so tired of waiting,
Aren't you,
For the world to become good
And beautiful and kind?
Let us take a knife
And cut the world in two-
And see what worms are eating
At the rind.
this week’s action
A batch of extremely hateful pieces of legislation baring trans kids from healthcare and access to sports is being proposed in some states like Indiana, New Hampshire, Alabama, Mississippi, North Dakota, Missouri, Texas, Tennessee, Utah, and Oklahoma. You can contact a rep in your state opposing these insidious attacks. I recommend following Chase Strangio on Twitter or Instagram for more info. Urgently, if you are, or know, a constituent in Montana, take action here.
*In the interest of always keeping things in context, I’ll note that Pema retired last year following her gross mishandling of another teacher’s sexual misconduct in her community, Shambhala. This was disheartening news for me and maybe you, but I do believe we can enjoy the teachings and work of (some) people with one hand while holding their mistakes in another. [Redacted joke about Azealia Banks] And while I have you here, Fran Lebowitz is also on record saying some stupid things in a transphobic 2010 documentary about Candy Darling. Again, I think we can enjoy public figures so long as we make their history stick to them.