Give Yourself 30 Days to Believe Anything Is Possible
Tourmaline’s wisdom, my curly hair routine, and the history of Fire Island’s “Drag Invasion.”
There’s this kind of cliché conversation prompt that I often return to: If you could do anything with your life — regardless of money, location, or skillset — what would you do?
The answers always fascinate me. I heard a rabbi say he wanted to be a pilot. Writers saying they want to have a remote farm somewhere or become a vogueing champion. Workaholics that say they wouldn’t work at all, that if they could just lay on the beach every day they would.
This is the part of the motivational speech where I say, “Well, what’s stopping you??” Go out, and *Nike voice* just do it! Carpe diem! Live every day like it’s your last! It’s all about mAnIFeSTiNgggg !
But then marginalized people will read this and be very 🤨. This whole “manifesting” thing we keep hearing about — it can be kind of a fallacy. A lot of us are out here too busy worrying about our rent, our family, our livelihoods to even consider this woo woo shit. I’m sure it’s easy for Suzan with her trust fund and the Manhattan apartment her parents pay for, but what does “manifesting” look like for people who don’t have these clear legs up?
My view on this drastically changed after reading an interview with Tourmaline about how she looks at accomplishing her dreams.
“In the Mississippi Freedom Schools of the ’60s, there were often three questions that were asked:
What does the dominant culture have that we don’t want?
What does the dominant culture have that we do want?
What do we have already that we wanna make more of?So much of my work as an artist is about that third question. It’s also often how I think about abolition: not necessarily as something that we want to get rid of or even something that we need to bring in, but as something we have already that we wanna make more of. Like, we have freedom, that we wanna make more of. We have our capacity to dream, that we wanna make more of. We have our capacity to see the abundance that’s already here, let’s grow that into a further realization of what feels good.
This work is about reshaping what we know to be possible, reshaping our beliefs so that they’re aligned with our desires, so that we can be the realizers of them.”
So what’s available to you? What possibility can you create from that? What dream have you killed, big or small, that sits motionless in the dusty corners of your mind?
In a podcast interview, she expands on this idea with an actionable.
“For 30 Days,” she says, “suspend disbelief that what you want is impossible, and just see what happens.”
“Don’t kill your dreams.” Don’t listen to the cop in your heart, or in your head, Tourmaline says. The belief that you can’t have what you want is often a lie perpetuated by the state, so don’t do their work for them.
I’ve had my dreams killed so many times in my life. In small ways, and in ways that — and I do not say this lightly — traumatized me. More often than not, they were killed by someone who was threatened by my aspirations and wanted to stamp my light out. No need to stamp your own light out. In fact, pour some gasoline on that bad boi.
30 days? I can do that. Believing in yourself forever feels exhausting. But I can do 30 days? Wanna do it with me? Let’s start riiiiiiiiiiiiiight now!
some things that brought me joy this week
1. One of my favorite annual traditions, The Fire Island Invasion, happened this past Fourth of July weekend. It usually happens on the 4th, but this year it was on “drag time” on the 5th. Each year a large boat is filled to the brim with sweaty drag queens, descending on the island like an army in full fanfare and regalia.
In my research, there lied a deeper history to this tradition. In 1976, the queen Terry Warren found herself barred from entering a Pines restaurant because she was in drag. This was in the wake of Stonewall and an epidemic of violence of trans and gender nonconforming people getting kicked out of bars, years before anti-crossdressing laws were abolished in New York state. Drag Queens were not the prophets and mascots of our community they are today, but social pariahs, pathologized for their gender fuckery. These laws were based in queerphobia, transphobia, femmephobic, etc., and they were often enforced by assimilationist cis gay men. At the time, Fire Island was conservative enough to remind Miss Warren that she wasn’t at home there. So what did she do? She gathered together all her friends, along with the activist and queen Panzi, and she took a water taxi straight back to the Pines “invading” the dock and storming FIP with the full force of queer, draggy disruption. It was so fabulous, the assimilated gays had no choice but to welcome them, and now they repeat this tradition every year.
What an allegory for the power of femme joy/rage in the face of queerphobia!
2. In my research, I found out Martin Luther King made a press trip to Fire Island? Now if that is not a Joy Digest line item, I don’t know what is.
3. My darling friends Alyza and Sarah have been working for months to launch Transnational a new series about trans rights and resilience in America. It is expertly hosted and researched — plus, you can watch it on IG too!
4. As my personal style continues to be influenced by lesbian culture, I am cheating on my platform Crocs and got the Merrell hydro clogs.
5. If I haven’t already said this, NYT magazine is one of my fave publications reporting right now (plus the fashion, girl). The editing of their stories is so crystal clear in its vision. The latest Lil Nas profile from Jazmine Hughes is no exception!
6. My friend Ms. White is doing this series taking songs with trans subtext and covering them in her style. Her jazzy rendition of “Normal Girl” has been on repeat since its release, but “Natural Woman” also slaps.
7. Devastated to report I actually thoroughly enjoyed Luca, aka “Calamari By Your Name.” I watched it with the lowest of low expectations, and found myself delighted and charmed the entire go of it. It is *infuriating* that these characters are not queer. And look! It’s me! Fran! I am always infuriated that characters are not queer. But this film was a particularly uncanny parable for young, gay love and how we conceal it. And that is why I cried at the end. :’)
8. I have now watched every episode of Full Bloom, the florist reality competition series. I started watching because my handsome friend Lutfi is on the second season and absolutely slays (there is no other term for it)! Loved the way Lutfi (and Maurice too) queer up the fabric of the show with queeny slang, shade, and looooooks mama.
9. Unforch, I am a fan of literally anything Harry Styles wears, and therefore a disciple of eliou. Copped this Senna necklace, plus a ring, earring, and chain too.
10. I am *very close* to finalizing my curl-boosting haircare routine. Right now, my tried and trues are Shea Moisture Shampoo, Conditioner, Leave-In Treatment, and Curl Enhancing Smoothie. Toweling dry ONLY with this microfiber towel. To style, I’ll use R+Co Turntable! Tried a lot of other things that didn’t work so lmk what else you’re considering!
11. I’ll leave you with this sermon from Rickey Thompson that spooked the fuck outta me. Will be making this audio my morning alarm.
this week’s action
Take a deep dive into this piece by my sis Raquel documenting the foundational work of Black, trans-led organizations and mutual aid initiatives across the South trying to create affordable and accessible housing for trans and gender nonconforming people. Each one has a nice little click-through for you to support in the way that makes most sense for you. <3
*sorry but i edited this letter very high*
I want to visit countries and create a travel blog. That's exactly what I'd do.